Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Helping Mom's cope with loss

I was reading another blog tonight when I came across the title "helping those deal with pregnancy loss."

I constantly wonder why God would put you through these types of things. Why is it, that a child is suppose to be a miracle of God, yet he lets those few slip through the crack?? Now, I am telling you from experience with losing a child that it is NOT easy to go through. It is not easy to lose a child then realize that at this point in your life you have a lot of pregnant people in your life.

I always thought, this would be something you grieve then get over. I can tell you it is not. I had this, to be blunt, crappy experience in January, and thought I was over it. I have had many very close people to me lose babies whether they were just a few weeks or 26 weeks and having a still born.

I think my biggest mistake was holding in how I felt. I had 2 very close friends who were pregnant at the time, and I was scared to tell them I was sad, or upset. I felt like I would be ruining it for them. I never did talk about it with either of them. I guess to this day I don't know if it was out of fear for how they would feel, or how it would make me feel to admit that I was sad that I couldn't be pregnant with them. Almost as though I would eventually get left out because my babies were grown up and I didn't have any their age. I still have feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment for everything I went through then. I can honestly tell you I didn't think it would be that hard.

When my due date came and went and only 1 of my friends called me to see how I was doing I was hurt, to say the least. This particular friend lives far away and we actually hadn't talked for awhile. I think that probably was the worst, that no one remembered.

Another thing that hurts it when people say "so when are you gonna have another one." These people I either don't really know or at the time don't feel like going into it. If God wants me to have another baby it will happen, if he doesn't then I won't. God knows his plans for me, and he knows how many kids I will have. I don't know if I will have another baby, but for now I have 2 amazing children that I am blessed with.

One verse that got me through this was Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I went back and forth with this verse. First I thought yeah right, if you didn't want to harm me then why did you put me through this. The other was well at least I have hope and a future to look forward to.

In this blog she talks about things that you should definitely NOT say! I can tell you I was told at least 2 of these and all I wanted to do was scream at the person saying it! I highly recommend reading it. Just go HERE to see it.

I'm going to end with this. Don’t think there is a “right way” to console a grieving friend. You know your friend and the things that help ease the pain a little bit. I can tell you the one thing I wanted from my friends was, do you want to talk about it?

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing this article Becca!! I enjoyed reading it would like to send it to a few of my friends who have been through this too!!